


May We Both Rest

by Donovanspen



Series: Walk Through the Valley [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Protective Dean Winchester, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-03
Updated: 2013-06-03
Packaged: 2017-12-13 19:44:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/828121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donovanspen/pseuds/Donovanspen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas finally talks to Dean about his nightmares.</p>
<p>"Cas was becoming more human with each passing day, and the changes were taking a toll on all of them."</p>
            </blockquote>





	May We Both Rest

Dean stared out the window of the small cabin, watching and waiting for Cas to return from his walk down by the lake. He hadn’t been gone long, and Dean understood that he needed his space. But he still worried. Cas was becoming more human with each passing day, and the changes were taking a toll on all of them.

“How’s he doing? He didn’t look so good this morning.”

“He’s a mess,” Dean confirmed. “Tossed and turned most of the night. Had about three nightmares.”

“Do you want me to stay? I can call this guy and set another time.”

“No.” He turned away from the window and walked over to his brother. “No, go ahead and get the books. It’s why we’re down here.”

“You sure you’ll be ok out here?”

Out here was a secluded cabin about a half hour outside of Baton Rouge. Dean had won enough at the local casino for them to stay in the nicer hotels, but Cas’ nocturnal issues required privacy. 

“Sure. We’ve got food. Movies for the dvd player. We’re good. Let’s just get this done.” Of course, they would stay as long as necessary, but he wanted the option of being able to leave whenever. And they had sold Cas on the idea that these were necessary errands, so they couldn’t blow them off now.

Sam nodded and continued throwing items into his duffle. “I’m going to head on out then. Supposed to be thunderstorms tonight, and I want to be done before they roll through. I’ll probably just spend the night in the city. I’m not sure, um, how long this might take.”

Dean quirked an eyebrow and didn’t bother to hide his smirk. He certainly didn’t begrudge his brother some fun, but he was still the big brother and giving him shit was a natural right of the first born. “Sure, Sammy. Use protection.”

“Jerk,” Sam muttered, his face flushing just red enough for Dean to know that he’d hit the mark. But Sam was always a quick study. “Shouldn’t I be telling you the same thing?”

Dean felt his face burn at the very thought. “Dude, it’s not even like that. He’s so messed up right now that he can’t even think straight.”

“Yeah, I know,” he sighed. “I can try talking to him again. You’re up with him every night. I can take over while you get some sleep.” Sam hesitated over the bag, as if waiting for Dean to ask him to stay.

Dean shook his head. The last time Sam had tried to reach out to him, Cas had burst into tears and then locked himself into the bathroom. Since then, he had been doing his best to avoid both of them.

“We’ll be fine. Go have some fun. And take damn good care of my baby or I’ll kick your ass,” he threatened. He was grateful when Sam just nodded and headed out. He’d been up most of the night with Cas, and he was tired as hell. Cas had him so damn strung out that he couldn’t take another thing. Sam out having a good time was actually a relief. At least Sammy didn’t need fixing this time around. No, this time it was his angel.

 

 

 

The afternoon dragged on without any sight of Cas. Dean pretty much gave up on the hope that he would return on his own. He dismissed the notion that he might need help and was more likely seeking solitude as he tried to deal with his changing emotions. And Dean couldn’t really blame him. Cas had been mortified at his loss of control.

It was right after sunset when Dean went looking for him. As expected he found him down by the lake. What he wasn’t expecting was to see Cas leaning against a tree with his head down and shoulders slumped. He was so still that Dean thought that maybe he had finally fallen asleep, but then he saw his hand moving. He walked over to him, not calling out but certain that Cas could hear his approach. Coming up beside him, he was about to say something but then Cas looked up at him with red, bleary eyes.

He reached down and grabbed Cas by the arm, pulling him up to his feet. So much for giving him space and letting him work it out. Now, they were going to do things his way. They didn’t say anything on the way back to the cabin. Honestly, there wasn’t much to be said. Not about this, anyway.

When they returned to the cabin, he gave Cas a nudge towards the single bedroom while he secured the doors and windows. When he entered the bedroom, Cas looked so dejected that he knew he had to say something. 

“Just a couple of hours. I promise you’ll feel better.”

“I tried. Down by the lake. I can’t,” he grated, his weary voice laced with frustration.

“If you can’t, then you can’t. But go ahead and lie down. Any rest is better than none.” Dean kicked off his shoes and flopped down on the bed. It felt so good. He was sure that he could be asleep in minutes if only Cas would go as well. Feeling Cas lie down next to him, he held out his arm in invitation. Sharing a bed had become routine, but Cas still tended to keep distance between them. 

Cas hesitated a moment before accepting the invitation and settling up next to him. Even though Cas was pulling away from them, Dean was pretty sure that he needed the comfort and reassurance. And when Cas’ breath started to hitch a little, he just held him a little tighter. 

He’d seen Cas brought low before, and as sad as it was, he wasn’t surprised anymore. Now it was more a matter of waiting for the next inevitable step. He had hoped that the close proximity would settle him down, and it appeared to be working. Dean could tell when he finally fell asleep by the soft breathing and the way Cas was snuggling closer, something he wouldn’t do when he was awake. Cas fought sleep worse than a child, not that he blamed him. Nightmares were a bitch, and Dean could certainly sympathize, but Cas was at a point where he desperately needed to sleep.

 

 

 

The room was completely dark when Dean was jolted awake. The storms had finally moved in, and Cas was beginning to thrash around. It looked as if Dean was catching him before it got too bad.

“Cas. Wake up, man. Just a dream.” He blinked heavily, trying to shake off the last little bits of sleep. He felt a little better so they must have gotten a few hours. “Cas.”

Dean heard him suck in a quick breath and knew that he was awake. 

“You ok?” he asked, after a minute.

Cas nodded, his head still resting against Dean’s chest. He didn’t try to pull away, not that Dean would have let him. They were more entangled than they had been when they fell asleep, but he was comfortable, and Cas pulling away hadn’t worked thus far. 

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“I think it’s time you did.”

Cas didn’t answer, and Dean could feel his breathing begin to slow into a more relaxed pattern. 

“Seriously, Cas, at this point, it can’t hurt. Not talking isn’t helping. Look, I get it. I hate talking things out, but I’m trying to be better here. Isn’t that where we went wrong?”

A brilliant flash of lightning lit the room, only to be followed by a loud crack of thunder. Cas flinched. 

“Raphael always sounded like thunder. When I hear the sound, it reminds me of him. My instinct tells me to be on guard, to be ready to fight.”

“He’s gone, Cas.”

“You can’t know that for sure.”

“True,” he conceded, “but I’m pretty sure you’re off limits. At least, that’s what Joshua said.”

Cas was quiet for a moment. “I suppose that makes sense. Death would be the easy way for me to avoid my punishment. But angels can visit dreams, and it’s difficult for me to know if I’m dreaming or if they’re really there.”

“They?”

“I see Raphael, of course. It feels like the fight never ended. I was a soldier. This is what I was meant to do, what I did for centuries, but now I’m so very tired. Sometimes we fight. Other times I wait for him to kill me, but he never does. He just tortures me and never allows me the respite of death. I see every death committed by my hand,” he whispered. 

Dean doesn’t know what to say at this point. Mere words can’t push the shadows back. He knows this better than anyone. He also knows that a large source of Cas’ problem is the guilt and remorse that he carries.

“I lied to you. How can you trust me?”

“Why are you fighting this?” Dean muttered. “You wanted me to understand, and now I do. Just accept it."

“All the souls I took in…they left behind…echoes, if you will. Sometimes I feel like a monster. My very being is as corrupt as the evil you hunt.”

“No. I’ve been hunting evil my entire life. You’re not it.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I feel it,” he replied. He knew it wasn’t much of an explanation but that’s all he had. He trusted his gut on this, and despite the mistakes of the past, he had faith in Cas. He just wished that Cas would finally accept this and believe him, if nothing else.

But he didn’t. That much was obvious by the way Cas didn’t even bother answering him. Frustrated, he shifted sideways until he was lying beside Cas, face to face. The room was dark, but Dean was well versed in how bodies fit together. Feeling his way, he placed a hand on his cheek and pulled Cas in for a kiss. He hadn’t planned this. In fact, he’d even told himself he wouldn’t, that Cas needed more time to be sure of himself. But Dean had always been a man of action and words were just not getting through to the angel.

He kept it light, his lips brushing softly, feeling the contours of his mouth. Cas didn’t really return the kiss, but he didn’t pull away either. 

Dean gave him one last brush before pulling back but was surprised when Cas followed him, reclaiming his lips. Whereas his kiss had been soft and gentle, Cas’ was more insistent. Dean immediately got swept up in the current and forgot all about going slow. He opened his mouth, granting Cas access, allowing him to taste and feel. He licked back, sucking in Cas’ own unique flavor. He edged closer, sliding his leg in between Cas’. And as quickly as it had started, Cas broke off the kiss and pushed against Dean’s chest, putting distance between them. 

Dean could feel him shaking from where his hand was gripping his t-shirt. The fact that Cas was still willingly touching him told Dean that he didn’t regret what had just happened. 

“Too much?” he asked, hating his loss of control.

“It’s overwhelming. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have –’’

“Don’t. I want this. I have always wanted to be close to you. And it helps. ”

“Ok,” Dean sighed, relieved that he hadn’t screwed everything up by pushing Cas too far. “We’ll go at your pace.” Dean laid his hand over the one still clenching his shirt. “Think you can sleep some more?”

“I’m not sure. It’s difficult to shut it all out. What if this is what I’m meant to be?”

“You’re not. This will work itself out just like all the other stuff did. Just try to stop fighting it.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“I know. Turn over.” Dean moved forward and pulled Cas closer, spooning him against his chest. “Try to relax,” he murmured, resting his hand against his stomach. 

He wasn’t much for talking out feelings, but he was glad that Cas was finally opening up to him. Lying together in the dark, listening to the storm blowing outside, he felt safe and maybe a little hopeful. Cas’ slide into humanity was picking up speed, but tonight was the first time he felt as if they would come out of this whole.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for any typos that I may have missed.


End file.
